Government historians have supressed the truth for years but now the facts can be revealed. Believe it or not. There once lived a tribe of unusually busty Englishwomen called the Soboobas. They led an isolated existence in the dense forests not far from Nottingham, where they lived off the land and also lapdanced for extra wampum. It was very difficult for them to find properly fitting brassieres so they dressed in fake animal skins. The Soboobas were raised by scouts for the Cleveland Indians and Atlanta Braves, who trained them in the art of Tomahawk swinging and pole dancing. At times, demented men (resembling LinseysWorld videographers) would stumble out of the forest, mumbling words that sounded like “hooters” and “tentpole.” No one believed their ridiculous babble until one brave, hopelessly insane man returned with one hand clenched around a video cassette, the other round his peacepipe. The princess of the Soboobas was called Boobahontas. This is her story. Until Disney remakes it. Let’s roll the video tape, and watch where you swing that ax, baby!